It's all in the dress

Is it wrong to post two blog posts in as many hours? Probably! Can't say that I care. I'm the kind of writer who needs to get writing when the inspiration strikes and I am terribly impatient..in case you hadn't already worked that out!

I have a confession to make though, today I am taking it to a personal level, I hope that's ok? I try to avoid it generally but this time I feel like I need to get it set in print so I will commit to it..maybe. I should stop with the mystery shouldn't I?

Well...it all starts with this..

Terrible phone picture, sorry folks!

A simple dress with a simple story...I saw this dress in H&M a year ago and fell in love with it's beautiful bird print and delicate sleeves. I tried it on several times over the course of a fortnight. Impulse told me to buy it despite the fact that it was not made with ladies like me in mind (I am what you might call...ample..in the upper torso area and sadly the top buttons did not do up, even though it was the right size for me at the time). My head told me it was a waste of money, another dress I would never wear. Two days later I decided to buy it anyway and of course, as always, it had sold out. This always happens to me. I started to see it everywhere, on a variety of pretty, petite girls and I got to dreaming, I fixated on it, I needed the dress. It was THE dress that I had been looking for, that perfect daytime dress that I could wear and feel great and look how I wanted to look, completely comfortable in my personal style.

Outfit inspiration-Source

You see, I have always had an idea of what my style is but a lot of trouble in the execution of it, I want to look effortless, I want my outfits to be girly and simple but mature at the same time.  I have always wanted the perfect dress but for
a number of reasons it never works out...too short, too frumpy, too printed, too bright, too dark...always something. Ultimately it comes down to an innate dissatisfaction with my body shape and the way I look in outfits. This is hard for me, because I have such solid ideas of how I want to look and the outfits that I want to wear and I seem to define my mood based on how happy I feel in what I am wearing. Let me tell you, nine times out of ten I don't feel good.

In the last two years I have sneakily managed to pile on a couple of stone and I don't like it. I have never been skinny. Being very very tall there is naturally a lot of me but I seem to have lost my hour glass shape and with it, what little confidence I had when I was smaller. Of course, every time I eat too much dinner I think it's time for a diet but it doesn't ever get going. I think this dress has changed that!

After a year of waiting for one to come on ebay in my size I gave up, it hasn't happened. It seems everyone who managed to buy this dress in the biggest size is keeping hold of it and I don't blame them.

Inspiration

But last week I found one, not in the size I originally wanted but in a size 14. This got me thinking, when I was smaller a few years ago, I was about a size 14 so surely I could get there again? Perhaps. I brought the dress anyway (yay) and now it is hanging from my wardrobe door, watching my every mouth full, judging me. The dress will be my motivation..that and the fact that I would love to wear it on holiday this year to avoid a repeat of last year where I couldn't find a single outfit that I felt good in that looked how I wanted it to (Story of my life). My theory is that if I have the dress to look forward to then I will get there in the end. And now it's written down you can all judge me too, or at least I can pretend that you are! I need to get there and I need to take control over something in my life. When I feel like I've lost control that's when the anxiety kicks in and after a few very uncertain weeks where I have had zero control over anything, I need something to keep me on track. So, as it is written, so shall it be! 


I am a firm believer in calorie control and lots of exercise..it worked for me before and shall do again I am sure! That and cutting out takeaway! So, my challenge begins today and lets hope I can be in that dress sometime soon and on the road to loving the person I am...it sounds good! Do you have any mountains you are currently climbing? Or perhaps some diet tips? I'd love to hear about them.


Thanks for reading petals!


Love,


Lexie


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